The Bad Fanfic
by She-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Psycho
Summary: ONESHOT. A kind of Songfic. A Magic Duel out of control, and gone totally wrong. A project made for the sillyness of itself. Read it! This fic is not so baaad!


~*~ BAD - FANFIC - PROJECT ~*~   
  
  
  
by She-Who-Is-Not-To-Be-Psycho!  
  
  
  
  
  
Summary: Just a Magic Duel out of control, and gone totally wrong. Read it! This fic is not so baaad! (This has to had be already done before.)   
  
Disclaimer: I CLAIM THAT ROWLING LEND ME HER CHARACTERS FROM THE HP WORLD!!  
  
Oh! I'm also not Michael Jackson   
  
-'Bad' (1987)-  
  
A/N: PLEASE, read this while listening to the music! It'll make it twice as funny! (or at least funny o.o)  
  
**DOBBY: "BAD! BAD DOBBY! -- WOO!!"  
  
=========================================================  
  
--The corridors of Hogwarts scream it. The air is thick. So, a legendary fight is about to start... the Slytherin... vs the Gryffindor...  
  
--It all started... er, with something... everybody has already forgot by now...  
  
--But that's not the point. The point is that there's fight. And it surely makes everybody anxious...  
  
--Apart from that, nothing out of the ordinary... not like this unusual, though...  
  
--And it started like this:  
  
(***LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND PANSY! THE TWO GREATEST PRANKSTERS AND RULE-BREAKERS OF THE CENTURY ON DISPLAY IN THE SECOND FLOOR, THIRD CORRIDOR OF THE WESTERN WING!***  
  
Well, quite like it...)  
  
  
  
  
  
**Three figures are going north.   
  
**The other three are going south.   
  
**Two of the first three ones are still wearing their pointed school hats.   
  
**Two of the second ones are about the same height.  
  
**The last from the first has flecks, great height, and flaming hair that show off like a fire torch.   
  
**The last from the second's has blond hair that shined like platinum streams.  
  
**The only girl, from the first group, has bushy hair, and her lips are trembling.  
  
**One of the bullies from the second group clenches his fists.  
  
**The tiny boy in the center of the first group clenches his wand in his hand.  
  
**A pointed chin roses even more in an proud, aristocratic manner.  
  
**From above the thick glasses, and not that well hidden, is a scar. Lighting-bolted scar.  
  
  
  
  
  
--Many students start gathering around the boys, as well as some ghost. Some just pass by, not amused. But of course, nothing is to happen before they get though their respective session of verbal abuse...  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: "Your Butt Is Mine"  
  
DM: "Gonna Take You Right"  
  
HP: "Just Show Your Face  
  
In Broad Daylight"  
  
HP: "I'm Telling You  
  
On How I Feel"  
  
DM: "Gonna Hurt Your Mind  
  
HP: "Don't Shoot To Kill"  
  
DM: "Come On,   
  
Come On, "  
  
HP: "Lay It On Me"   
  
DM: "All Right..."  
  
  
  
  
  
--By this time both boys have their wands out, and are going in circles always glaring the other. (Needless to say, the boys' speeches were quite easy to misunderstood with sexual innuendos to whoever didn't know them that much.)  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: "I'm Giving You  
  
On Count Of Three  
  
To Show Your Stuff  
  
Or Let It Be . . . "  
  
DM: "I'm Telling You  
  
Just Watch Your Mouth  
  
I Know Your Game  
  
What You're About"  
  
  
  
--Harry looks at his sabotaged Firebolt that was in Ron's possession now, and again at Malfoy.  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: "Well They Say The Sky's The Limit  
  
And To Me That's Really True"  
  
HP(start raising his wand): "But My Friend You Have Seen Nothing  
  
Just Wait 'Til I Get Through . . . "  
  
  
  
  
  
--Suddenly and without warning Malfoy casts the first spell hitting Harry square. Harry has the sudden urge to dance all 'dirty style' (you know, 'perverted movements'--- Naughty, naughty Harry...).   
  
  
  
  
  
DM: "Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-Come On"  
  
  
  
(The Bloody Baron and Peeves sang along.): "Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad"  
  
  
  
  
  
--Shrinking spell makes Malfoy's pants wide too short (Malfoy lies cursing in the floor with both hand... *there*)  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It"  
  
(Nearly Headless Nick and Moaning Myrtle, ever just for fun, supported Harry): "Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad"  
  
  
  
  
  
--In the midst of it Malfoy regains enough strength to aim a hex at Harry. The last feels an unbearable pinking sensation and suddenly his hands cannot spot scratching all over (and EVER SO MUCH in some places there is not room for that public display).  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: "You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-Come On, You Know"  
  
BB/P: "Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad"   
  
  
  
  
  
--Harry shouts 'Locomotor Mortis' just as Draco has managed at last to get up. He falls flat on his face.  
  
  
  
  
  
DM/HP(glaring each other): "And The Whole World Has To "  
  
VC/GG(to Ron in their own personal argument): "Answer Right Now"  
  
RW(to Crabbe and Goyle): "Just To Tell You Once Again, "  
  
HG: "Who's Bad . . . "  
  
  
  
  
  
--Rolling her eyes, Hermione had to take the spells out of them both before they could stand up trying to look all dignity-worthy, like the last scene didn't ashamed or affected them at all; and continued.  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: "The Word Is Out"  
  
HP: "You're Doin' Wrong  
  
Gonna Lock You Up  
  
Before Too Long,   
  
Your Lyin' Eyes"  
  
DM: "Gonna Take You Right  
  
So Listen Up  
  
Don't Make A Fight,   
  
Your Talk Is Cheap"  
  
HP: "You're Not A Man  
  
You're Throwin' Stones  
  
To Hide Your Hands"  
  
  
  
--Malfoy looks up to his goons who did look like rocks (and pondering the matter of the prospect of catapultating them- *ehem*, 'rocks' to the Gryffindor Team in their practice was appealing)  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: "But They Say The Sky's The Limit  
  
And To Me That's Really True"  
  
DM(smirking):And My Friends You Have Seen Nothin'  
  
Just Wait 'Til I Get Through . . . "  
  
  
  
--Again, poor innocent Harry. He made quite an interesting picture with a white *pajamas* with green inscribing all over it: 'POTTER SUCKS!'. (Malfoy grinned widely.)  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: "Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-Come On"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
  
  
--Malfoy's hair is now an interesting color of pink and maroon, spiked all the way up (like the picture of a Japanese-muggle tv show). Even, if that wasn't enough, dark-green snakes starts bumping from Malfoy's head, making him forget about how horrified he was about his hair, and, instead, trying not to move so as to prevent the tiny scaring creatures from biting him. (The pink, maroon thing was a nest.)  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
  
  
--Freaked out he tries desperately to take them off. The scene itself is so dreadful that he is oblivious to the humiliation and forgot about answering the attack back to Potter; before turning to that teasing voice and grinning face in front of him.  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
Golden3(grinning like loonies): "And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now  
  
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now)   
  
Just To Tell You Once Again,"   
  
(Just To Tell You Once Again)   
  
G3(looking at each other): "Who's Bad . . . "  
  
  
  
  
  
--There's a sudden pause- and then Malfoy strikes: he shouts something alike 'Serpensortia' and Harry begin to smile- just before a HUGE lot of snakes starts raining on his head ('Take that, Potter! Thought snakes were funny?') and they look like having by ALL aim in their lives to enter though Harry's clothes- and they are succeeding.  
  
--Panicking, Harry starts doing what seems the only rational thing to do: taking robes off (along with unbuttoning-shirt and taking that *damned* one that was going his way down Harry's trousers- making the hell of a show).  
  
--Malfoy laughs his butt off as Harry makes one little surprise for him. Looking up he can see Harry, along with all the serpents, looking back at him. Soon they are all dancing around with Potter. Harry Potter dances along, robe-less and first-buttons-undone -ed. The last beat is escorted by the creatures forming 'FUCKED UP PRICK' with their bodies.  
  
  
  
  
  
HP(smiling): "We Can Change The World Tomorrow  
  
This Could Be A Better Place"  
  
DM(smirking): "If You Don't Like What I'm Sayin'  
  
Then Won't You Slap My Face . . . "  
  
  
  
--This time, amazingly, they both fire at the same time (though it had mostly to do with Malfoy speaking up to the very last minute). Spells meets in mid air, and aim to two quite different targets. Neville's toad, Trevor, changes to the shape of a green naked little woman. (Needless to say, Neville pass out.) And the other- Uh Oh... Flich is wearing a *gulp* pink, feather-ed tutu... (EWWW!! SO MUCH DON'T SUIT HIM BARE LEGS!)  
  
  
  
  
  
HP(gulps guiltily, but clearly amused; turns to Malfoy): "Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad-Come On"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
DM(looks at Potter, shocked, but even more entertained): "You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
  
  
--Harry raises his wand again, with a wide grin-like-loony, ignoring the shrieks from behind.  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
  
  
--Draco's smile grows wider too. Not way back now...  
  
  
  
  
  
DM(cheering his own personal joke): "Woo! Woo! Woo!"  
  
(Snakes in Parseltongue): "And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again . . ."  
  
  
  
--Curses go back an forth, but the boys are moving by now and the pointing of the wand was rather poor now, more with moving targets. And God help us....  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know I'm Bad, "  
  
DM: "I'm Bad-Come On"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
--Semus, that passed by chance, got the sudden urge to go to the showers. Marcus Flint is dancing the Macarena. Oblivious to the incidents at their surroundings the two boys keep throwing hexes and curses- that keep meeting in midair, despite their friend's shouts.  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: "You Know I'm Bad, "  
  
HP: "I'm Bad-You Know It-"  
  
DM: "You Know It"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
--Hagrid, a gross little dance of the 'I'm a little teapot'. A spell hit someone out the window and that someone starts singing 'I'm Too Sexy For My Broom- Too Sexy For My Broom...'(Hint: he IS) and Moaning Myrtle sang 'Nobody Luvs Me! Everybody Hates Me!...' (and was replaced in the chorus by Cedric Diggory's Ghost).   
  
  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know, You Know, You  
  
Know, Come On"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
  
  
--Random-student-nº1 (who's really Fred Weasley) is covered in chocolate sauce. Random-student-nº2 (who is George Weasley) is wearing only yellow polka dot woman panties. (R-S-nº1 and another random-student look pleased). Fred and George spot Dobby with a cake and throw it at the last, who is Lee Jordan, before he could start laughing.  
  
((Dobby hits his head repeatedly his head with the wall ('Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!') ))  
  
  
  
  
  
DM: "And The Whole World Has To  
  
Answer Right Now  
  
(And The Whole World Has To  
  
Answer Right Now)   
  
Just To Tell You"  
  
(Just To Tell You Once Again)   
  
  
  
  
  
--R-S-nº3 (who is really Blaise -boy- Zabini) appears in a thong.   
  
  
  
  
  
DM: "You Know I'm Smooth, I'm Bad, You Know It"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
  
  
--Draco Mafoy fix his error and put him leather pants (as it firstly was the intention ^_~)  
  
  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know I'm Bad, "  
  
DM: "I'm Bad Baby"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
--Hermione is dressed with dominatrix-style leather suit. (Ron doesn't look too sad.) Ron is dressed in sailor suit costume (and I mean 'girl-sailor' like in 'sailor moon'- and he's not *that* happy about it).  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know, You Know, You  
  
Know It, Come On"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
--Crabbe looks like a pixie with light blue skin and little wings, wearing only a leaf . Goyle laughs before his cheeks turn pink from make up and his clothes change to a Heidi style.  
  
  
  
HP: "And The Whole World Has To  
  
Answer Right Now"  
  
(And The Whole World Has To  
  
Answer Right Now)   
  
  
  
--R-S-nº4 (who is really Collin Creveey) has 'accidentally' shoved his camera up his ass ("soooooorry..."). Ginny has her hair on fire.  
  
  
  
DM: "Woo!"   
  
(Just To Tell You Once Again)   
  
  
  
--Footsteps approach. Teachers and other start arriving... Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy continue fighting...  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-"  
  
DM: "You Know It"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
--Snape is in pink fluffy bunny-suit (that resembles a lot of Duracell's).   
  
  
  
DM: "You Know I'm Bad-You Know-Hoo!"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
--McGonnagall in black-leather playwizard-bunny-suit (the same as playboy's: like a swimming suit with bunny ears and tail ^^).  
  
  
  
HP: "You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know"  
  
(Bad Bad-Really, Really Bad)   
  
  
  
--Dumbledore in wands-shaped swim boxers and an old undershirt (means showing his skinny old legs, but still wearing his old pointed hat... and his socks!). Despite public belief...  
  
  
  
HP/DM: "And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now  
  
(Everyone in the room looking one another): And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now   
  
  
  
(Just Everyone): "Just To Tell You Once Again . . . "  
  
(Just To Tell You Once Again . . .)   
  
  
  
--... it was Dumbledore who, with one clear shout, stopped all:   
  
  
  
AD: "WHO'S BAD?!"   
  
=========================================================  
  
A/N: Want to think this as Slash? Just keep in mind that Harry and Draco's main intention was to hit one another (ex: Harry in leather suit, Draco in Sailor Moon outfit ^^)  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------ME: "BAD! BAD PSYCHO!"  
  
  
  
~ Lots Of Harrys And Dracos In Tight Pants To All Who Review! !D 


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